\n\tBy Gail Dutton<\/p>\n
\n\tEmployees in a negotiation training workshop are chatting happily in a company cafeteria near San Francisco. They\u2019re not on break. They\u2019re on assignment. Their objective: to discover three things they didn\u2019t know\u2014and wouldn\u2019t have guessed\u2014about each other. They have two minutes.<\/p>\n
\n\tThe exercise isn\u2019t about the information, though. It\u2019s about the methods they used to get the information, and how those same techniques can be used to identify commonalities to ease negotiations of all types. The strategies used to negotiate multimillion- dollar deals are the same strategies used to negotiate which movie you watch with your spouse. Only the stakes change. As Michael Feuer, former CEO of Office Max and author of \u201cThe Benevolent Dictator,\u201d elaborates, \u201cI\u2019ve sold hundreds of millions of dollars worth of companies, and the basics are the same as for small deals. It\u2019s a process. Be a good listener. Watch body language. Know why they say what they say, as well as what they mean.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\tBe All Ears<\/strong><\/p>\n \n\tBut although negotiation affects virtually every aspect of life, the skills rarely are taught. Today, many companies in the San Francisco Bay area are turning to the art of improvisation to teach conflict resolution and to improve communications among their executives, according to Chris Sams, director of On the Go Programs for BATS Improv. The rapport-building skills honed in BATS workshops are the same skills used for successful improvisation. Success in negotiation, as well as in improvisation, he emphasizes, depends not only on listening to speakers\u2019 words, but also on observing their non-verbal cues.<\/p>\n \n\tTrainers and communications specialists repeatedly make this very same point. As Maria Thier, head of Listening \n\tA big part of negotiation is building rapport. With 23 years as a government contracting officer for the U.S. Air Force, that understanding stood Eldonna Lewis-Fernandez\u2014a.k.a., \u201cthe Pink Biker Chic\u201d\u2014in good stead in the early days of the Iraq War, where she negotiated government contracts off base in the Middle East. \u201cThere, you sit, you have tea, you talk, and eventually you discuss why you\u2019re visiting their business.\u201d But regardless of culture or geography, \u201cnegotiation is all about building rapport,\u201d she says. \u201cPeople do business with those they know, like, and trust.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tChange the Mindset<\/strong><\/p>\n \n\t\u201cNegotiation is not just about skills,\u201d emphasizes Cait Clarke, author of \u201cDare to Ask!\u201d \u201cThe big challenge is to transcend a mindset.\u201d For women in particular, Clarke says, it\u2019s important to see negotiations as collaborative conversations. In her experience as a leadership trainer and attorney, \u201cexecutive women\u2014people who are successful by anybody\u2019s standards\u2014remain reluctant to make their demands known, to be assertive, and engage in negotiation,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n \n\tYet, when negotiation is seen as a collaborative conversation in which all parties win, rather than combat with winners and losers, participants find ways of creating deals that are good for everybody, Clarke notes.<\/p>\n \n\t\u201cMost think of negotiation as a pejorative,\u201d Feuer agrees. So in training his executives, one of the biggest challenges \n\tPractice Makes Perfect<\/strong><\/p>\n \n\tFor trainers eager to help executives enhance their negotiating skills, Stephen R. Balzac, president of 7 Steps Ahead, LLC, advises, \u201cmake training experiential. The techniques are easy to read about, but when you try them, they may not work. Many mid-level and even some senior executives don\u2019t realize the need to negotiate. They think, \u2018I just need to tell you what to do,\u2019\u201d Balzac says. Others are so intent on winning that they stop listening. \u201cBut we each have something others want. Any conversation involves negotiation,\u201d he says, even when the stakes are the simple niceties of saying, \u201cPlease\u201d and \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tBalzac introduces some negotiation skills in a classroom setting, and then has participants practice those skills in games. Fantasy settings encourage people to step outside themselves and engage more. In these \u201cFractured Fairy Tales,\u201d the king, the witch, the frog, etc., have goals that cannot be accomplished without negotiating with the others. Because the scenario is fictional, the players have freedom, and negotiation will occur. By taking on a role, \u201cyou\u2019re not the CEO; you\u2019re the king of a mythical country. You\u2019re not the sales manager; you\u2019re a knight on a quest,\u201d he explains. \u201cYou can explore possibilities because the character\u2014not the individual\u2014is taking the action.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tIn contrast, in a pandemic flu training exercise, one participant insisted on playing himself, Balzac recalls. \u201cWithin that scenario, a mistake triggered a crisis, and the exercise ended with the player melting down into a temper tantrum. The lesson,\u201d Balzac says, \u201cis that when you play as yourself, you don\u2019t have the freedom to make mistakes.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tExecutives working with Lewis-Fernandez may play themselves, but in a different setting. She helps executives hone negotiation skills through a scavenger hunt-like game in which participants have limited funds and a list of items to accumulate from other players, thus forcing negotiation. In her game, everything is negotiable. The 12-minute time frame isn\u2019t sufficient to achieve the goal, yet players typically fail to negotiate for more time, she says. Lewis-Fernandez also has a longer, three-hour version set in 18th century France, in which players must negotiate the acquisition of court clothing to attend the royal ball. \u201cIt has vague rules, so players must think outside the box,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n \n\tNot Always Gut Instinct<\/strong><\/p>\n \n\tDebriefing is an important element of any role-playing situation. The goal is to explore how each player\u2019s actions affect those of the other players, as well as the long-term consequences of their actions and how they may affect other scenarios. Balzac says the objective is not to confront them with their failures, but to \u201cencourage them to explore the situation, realize their own errors, develop empathy for themselves as characters, and understand how they could go astray in similar ways in real life.\u201d<\/p>\n \n\tAfter the games or role-playing, the groups typically examine what happened and the methods they used to achieve their goals, or why they failed. The results often are linked to group dynamics and motivation, Balzac says.<\/p>\n \n\tAside from letting people practice new skills in a safe environment, it also shows them how often their instincts are wrong. \u201cMy executives are surprised that negotiation is less about gut instinct than they think,\u201d Balzac says. He reports the same surprise among his trainees. There\u2019s another benefit, too. \u201cPractice automates the skills,\u201d Balzac says. Once the skills are second nature, negotiators become more adaptable, comfortably dealing with changing circumstances, and can focus on other demands.<\/p>\n \n\tFeuer encourages mentoring as a way to improve skills and insights. \u201cI\u2019ll invite senior people to sit in on conference calls and interviews, so they can listen and pick up techniques,\u201d he says. His new company, Max Wellness, also uses role-playing and traditional teaching methods.<\/p>\n \n\tIn negotiations and in workshops, Lewis-Fernandez says, \u201cthe surprising thing is that so many things are not negotiated.\u201d Once participants realize this, however, they are more likely to consider the bigger picture and realize there is always room for negotiation.<\/p>\n \n\tCoaching Negotiation Tips<\/strong><\/p>\n By Gail Dutton<\/p>\n \tEmployees in a negotiation training workshop are chatting happily in a company cafeteria near San Francisco. They\u2019re not on break. They\u2019re on assignment. Their objective: to discover three things they didn\u2019t know\u2014and wouldn\u2019t have guessed\u2014about each other. They have two minutes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[16],"class_list":{"0":"post-9521","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-magazine","7":"tag-feature","8":"magazine_issues-march-2012"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\n\tImpact, says, \u201cMany of my clients falter in negotiations because they don\u2019t listen completely to what is being said. They tend to listen to an internal monologue instead of an open dialogue. That erodes trust and reduces collaboration.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\tis changing their mindsets. \u201cTo win at the expense of others isn\u2019t negotiation,\u201d he insists. \u201cThe give and take of negotiation is part of the job and is necessary to accomplish your objective. That\u2019s tough to teach. In fact, many think it\u2019s impolite to ask for things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n