{"id":54228,"date":"2025-03-17T00:02:27","date_gmt":"2025-03-17T05:02:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/trainingmag.com\/?p=54228"},"modified":"2025-03-13T19:01:43","modified_gmt":"2025-03-14T00:01:43","slug":"can-workplace-relationships-recover-from-microaggressions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/trainingmag.com\/can-workplace-relationships-recover-from-microaggressions\/","title":{"rendered":"Can Workplace Relationships Recover from Microaggressions?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cWell, look at that, you <\/em>taught me <\/em>something,\u201d a former boss said to me. And the implication I took from that? \u201cIt\u2019s extraordinary that someone as lowly and ignorant as you could teach someone as learned and distinguished as me anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople find you less intimidating,\u201d he said to me once when we were trying to snag man-on-the-street, or man-in-the-hallway, interviews at a conference. My interpretation of this comment: \u201cYou\u2019re not as impressive and formidable as I am.\u201d<\/p>\n

His comment to me after I was chosen to serve on a jury in a criminal trial: \u201cI\u2019ve been trying to get onto a jury for years. It seems like if you\u2019ve ever read a newspaper they don\u2019t want you.\u201d My takeaway: \u201cThe lawyers obviously chose you because they found you to be ignorant enough to be easily swayed.\u201d<\/p>\n

I would classify these comments as microaggressions. Another way to think of them is as left-handed compliments. If you think about them in a positive light, you could interpret them as compliments, but if you\u2019re honest with yourself, the comments don\u2019t trigger a feeling of being complimented.<\/p>\n

Microaggressions Don\u2019t Have to Mean the End of Positive Relationships<\/h2>\n

The MIT Management Sloan School recently posted a piece<\/a> on research it conducted showing that microaggressions don\u2019t have to torpedo workplace relationships. The article is based on findings from a new paper co-authored by MIT Sloan School of Management assistant professor Basima Tewfik and Harvard Business School assistant professor Summer Jackson.<\/p>\n

MIT Management Sloan School examples of microaggressions include: \u201cYou don\u2019t sound Black.\u201d \u201cYou should smile more often, sweetheart.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re so brave for dealing with your handicap.\u201d<\/p>\n

The research suggests that these unfortunate comments don\u2019t have to mark the end of the relationships\u2014if both what the researchers call the \u201ctarget\u201d of the microaggressions and the \u201cperpetrator\u201d have a preexisting positive relationship and are open to hearing each other\u2019s feelings.<\/p>\n

\u201cA natural reaction for a lot of us is to be self-protective, but if you want to get to a better place, you have to take a more proactive role and get to a less protective space, and it can happen,\u201d said Tewfik\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cMeanwhile, a perpetrator\u2019s response is critical,\u201d added Jackson. After they commit an alleged microaggression, some perpetrators interpret targets\u2019 self-protective reaction as a threat to their own self-image. If that happens, they might respond with hostility or withdraw. The same factors for perpetrators as for targets play a part in perpetrators\u2019 response, according to the researchers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Finding the Right Thing to Say in Response to a Microaggression<\/h2>\n

Instead of rolling my eyes and adding the offense of my boss\u2019 comments to the grievances building inside of me, I should have said something to clarify what he meant.<\/p>\n

\u201cActually, I think we can both teach each other things,\u201d I should have responded after he said he was surprised I had taught him something. \u201cLearning between a boss and employee should work in both directions, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n

When he made the comment about how much more intimidating he was, I should have asked: \u201cWhy do you feel you\u2019re more intimidating than me?\u201d Knowing him, he probably would have committed a secondary microaggression that would have had to be further unpacked. What if he then said: \u201cBecause you\u2019re a woman\u201d?<\/p>\n

Well, then, I suppose I could have said: \u201cThere are many women in this world who are quite intimidating, including business and world leaders.\u201d I could have pointed to former German Chancellor Angela Merkel and former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.<\/p>\n

Lastly, the comment about how he had never served on jury because it was apparent that he was a well-informed person could have been answered with: \u201cActually, I read more than one newspaper regularly and books, too. It didn\u2019t seem like ignorance was the main criteria to get chosen for the jury.\u201d<\/p>\n

Acknowledging When It Isn\u2019t Worthwhile to Salvage a Relationship<\/h2>\n

If the microaggressions continue, and happen frequently, the \u201ctarget\u201d might have to acknowledge that it isn\u2019t possible to have a positive relationship with the \u201cperpetrator.\u201d They may need to keep their interactions with this person as brief as possible, discouraging anything more than the bare minimum of communication and in-person time.<\/p>\n

I did that. I cut my losses after about five years of tolerating too many microaggressions and aggravations, and I stopped chatting with my former boss. I fulfilled my obligations as an employee and responded to his questions, I but decided that there would be no friendship element to our relationship.<\/p>\n

Teaching Employees to Recognize Microaggressions<\/h2>\n

Microaggressions often can be avoided if potential perpetrators are taught what microaggressions are and why they are harmful, and instructed to never commit them while on duty for their jobs\u2014or, ideally, at any time.<\/p>\n

Do you teach employees how to recognize a microaggression and how to avoid becoming a perpetrator?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yes, if employees are taught what microaggressions are and why they are harmful, and trained not to commit them while on duty for their jobs\u2014or, ideally, at any time. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[69],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-54228","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-blog"},"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCan Workplace Relationships Recover from Microaggressions?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Yes, if employees are taught what microaggressions are and why they are harmful, and trained not to commit them while on duty for their jobs\u2014or, ideally, at any time.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link 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